December 2006

In the midst of Advent, I find an Easter verse reverberating in my heart. "A man of sorrows, familiar with suffering" (Isaiah 53:3).

This has been a year of sadness and suffering for our family. On July 2, on a late morning training ride, Daniel was hit by a car. Impact with the pavement shattered his L2 vertebra. Twentyfour hours later, he was in surgery to rebuild the vertebra that had been crushed to 50-percent of its height.

In the weeks that followed, I watched my strong, athletic husband shake with pain, his face turn pale and gaunt, his movements become guarded and cautious, trying to avoid exacerbating his injury. I saw the ache in him when his son reached up to be held, and when the days slipped away to fall, his summer lost.

Daniel's pain was literal, mine was heartache. But in the midst of suffering, I felt joy. My husband was alive! My Daniel could walk. And more than that, his surgeon anticipated a full recovery. Daniel would return to work and to racing mountain bikes.

Isaiah calls Christ "Immanuel", which means "God with us". God was present at that intersection; He protected Daniel from far worse injuries. God was with me as I drove to the hospital. God provided the best surgeon in Spokane and guided his hands. God made my husband strong. God gave me reserved of energy I had no idea I possessed as I cared for both Daniel and Karsten. And God provided the financial resources that our foresight did not. (The young woman who hit Daniel did not have insurance and our uninsured motorist insurance was woefully inadequate to cover our expenses.)

I admit to being something of a worrier. But the God of all comfort lifted that weight. I trusted Him to see us through, to heal Daniel, to give me the strength to be our strength, to provide the work I needed and the money we required to pay our bills. I put that panicky little bird of worry in His hands each time its wings beat against the bars and clawed at my heart. And I learned to wait on Him. To trust more deeply than I ever had before.

I have seen Christ in my husband. In his pain. In his quiet strength. In his righteous indignation. In his love for his little boy and for me. I have seen Christ in Karsten, in his adoration of and delight in his Daddy. And I have seen the Holy Spirit - the Comforter - comfort Daniel through me.

Daniel is back at work on light duty. And he is back on his mountain bike. (We no longer ride the roads in Spokane.) Perhaps most importantly, Daniel can scoop up his son again. The healing continues.

Joy and suffering are not opposites. In Christ, they are companions. As we celebrate the birth of the Christ child, we are grateful for Christ, the man, and his willingness to come into our world and suffer for us that we might know joy.

With grateful hearts,

-Kyrsten

PS  We found out not long ago that Daniel's fusion is complete. The surgeon said he has never seen anyone grow bone as quickly as Daniel has. We know your prayers and God's grace have everything to do with it.

December 2005

"...Mary pondered all these things in her heart." -Luke 2:19

Over the past five months, I have felt a deep affinity with Mary. Our son, Karsten Daniel, was born on June 27th, a surprising two weeks early. And that meant we weren't quite ready. No crib was set up and waiting when we got home (thought there was a cradle by our bed). No stockpile of diapers. No last minute cleaning. Just a sweet, needy baby and two very weary parents.

But God provided. My Tante Beth and my mother-in-law made the essential Target and grocery runs. Family and friends brought us food. Dan's sister Colleen and her husband Doug put up blinds in the nursery and helped us move in Karsten's furniture. Cousin Jesse let in the carpet installer (and kept our menagerie out of the the way).

Daniel was able to stay home with us for most of two weeks. He watched the baby while I rested. He made sure I ate enough. While I struggled with new-mom panic, he calmly changed diapers, spoke soothing words to me, and participated in all the elements of newborn care. Daniel is my solid ground.

Tante Beth was our birthing coach and my ongoing mommy mentor. She graced our arrival home with long-stemmed roses and a beautiful photo album of our first days with Karsten. She brought us dinner that evening. She came over and watched Karsten while I tried to get some sleep. She answered my frequent phone calls and numerous questions. She prayed for us constantly. To her family too we owe a debt of gratitude for sharing her with us so much and so graciously.

My mom came and stayed with us for five weeks over the course of the summer. She held my boy, fed him in the middle of the night, made sure I ate enough, bought us groceries, cooked dinner and was wonderful company. Mom helped hold us together during those first two months. This summer was precious to me in large part because of her presence. She helped lighten the load so that I could enjoy my son.

There were many others who also carried us. Susan, my step-mom, who came and stayed for a week-and-a-half, who walked the park with me almost daily, who fed Karsten when I was too tired to do so, who helped around the house and put meals together, who was good company. And there were the wonderful women who came and spent the night caring for Karsten so that we could get some sleep - Daniel's mom, Beth, Colleen and Kathy (Dan's sisters), Lydia and Laurie (two of my dear friends), and Abbie (my cousin who took care of our boy by candlelight during a power outage). Many people also brought us meals - Gra'mom and Grandad, our Garland small group, Dawn, my sister-in-law, Colleen and Dan's mom. My dad came for a long weekend and treated us to lots of takeout and napped with Karsten whenever possible.

So where was the pondering? In the midst of it all. After the fact. Now, this very moment. In anticipation of Advent.

Unlike Mary, I had a sanitary hospital in which to birth my son. My husband had family, nurses and a doctor to help with the birth itself. We had our very own home to take Karsten to. Our animals were fewer in number - 4 cats and a dog - though not by much. We had no concerns about enough food to eat.

But there were things Mary and I shared. The anticipation of holding a son. The newness of motherhood. The pain of childbirth. The soul-deep love for a child. The intimacy of breastfeeding. Attentive husbands. Animals. Lots of visitors (though I knew all of ours). God's amazing, breathtaking provision, often in unexpected forms. The profound weight of responsibility for a new life. A deeper awareness of God. The quiet moments of watchful love, where each new sound and expression is a wonder. Awe that God would entrust this little life to our keeping.

And I am beginning to understand what it is to love without reservation. I think I know now what Mary meant when she said, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." I want to have a heart willing to trust, willing to sacrifice, willing to serve, willing to love with one's entire being. God has a heart like that. He proved it long ago. He reminded me again this summer.

Pondering His many gifts with you,
-Kyrsten

Best Laid Plans

This has been a crazy holiday season. Crazier than most. My son and I are in a community theater production of "A Christmas Carol". Twenty-two performances are scheduled and we are just over half way through. I find myself asking, "What was I thinking?! I try to make this season restful, so why would we audition for a show that runs through Dec. 18?"

For my son. I did this to give my budding, 6-year-old actor a chance to discover live theater. Karsten is thriving! He is good, a natural. And he is having fun. That has made the craziness worthwhile (mostly).

I had hoped to write a blog entry at least once a week during Advent, but it isn't going to happen. So instead, I'm going to post some past Christmas letters. These aren't so much newsy as reflective. My grandfather inspired this writing with his yearly missals that always leave me contemplative and smiling. I'm hoping these letter will do for you what Grandad's have done for me.

Have a joyful, peaceful and hopeful Christmas!